Today, my Aubrey Laine would have been Sixteen. It doesn’t seem possible that sixteen years have come and gone since that magical moment she was born.
The way time both crawls and flies by is hard to comprehend.
Long days and fast years, I guess.
My boys are 22 and nearly 20. The girls are 6-1/2. While their lives have flown by, too, it feels different. I suppose when you see someone age, daily, it’s not really a surprise when they do.
Not having Aub here changes the perspective. While she would have been here celebrating birthdays and milestones, she’s celebrating the perfection of eternity in Heaven. It’s hard to really know what that means and be completely heartbroken at the same time.
If you would have asked me, in the beginning of this walk with grief, what today would be like, I wouldn’t have believed it. I couldn’t fathom surviving 10 birthdays without Aubrey. Most days were a struggle to get out of bed. While it hasn’t been easy, God has steadily provided me with peace and strength even bigger than the pain. While some moments threatened to kill me, they all passed. Sometimes, I think I’m just a shell of who I was before. In some ways, I’m better, because I can see things in a different light. In a lot of ways, I think I’m just permanently damaged. What I know for sure is it will all be okay.
Bottom line, this is life. My grief, my pain, my problems are small in the big picture. When you think of this short life on earth vs an eternity in Heaven, it’s just a tiny moment.
We all have pain and struggles. We all have joy and blessings bigger than we could ever deserve. As long as we look to God for everything, we will survive. When we are down, allow Him to carry the load. When we are up, don’t forget the one who got you there. Be kind to people. No one has a perfect life. Likewise, one is too far down for God to help them back up.
Be the very best person you can be and when you can’t, let God in. The Bible tells us, He can do all things. Not just the big ones. ALL THINGS!! Let Him all the way in and lead others to Him. We have one job in life and that’s it.
Make Heaven crowded (but I promise….there’s enough room.)
Aubrey did that. Her entire being was full of joy, LOVE, laughter and light. Everyone that saw her saw His light. She was beyond her years in so many ways and now I know why. God created her and miraculously gave her to me. Her life had a greater purpose and I am so grateful to have had a front row seat.
I will never pretend I don’t hurt. Grief is with me everyday. I choose to not let that consume me. I try very hard to let that hurt serve its purpose and to step just beyond the pain. I know that the greatest joy lives there.
Happy Sweet Sixteen, Buggy. I am grateful for every second I had you here. Soon and very soon, baby. 💜
