This week marks three years since the last time I held my daughter. The last time I heard that amazing laugh, saw those big, beautiful brown eyes light up as she smiled so big and watched her fish and play all day.
Her last bath and then the last time I ever put her to bed. The last "I love you, Mama, Goodnight"...her last words ever.
Three whole years.
She has now been gone half as long as she was ever here. That gorgeous creature only walked this Earth for six short years.
Both her life and her death have changed who we are, forever. Even knowing the tragic ending, I wouldn't trade a single day of life with Aubrey Laine.
Now, her two baby sisters are living and growing inside of me. Her big brothers are bigger than me and growing up and maturing so fast. It all brings both the most joyous and painful feelings I've ever known.
The promise of new life is incredible and healing but there's also a fear that is ever present. It's terrifying, now knowing how truly fragile life is. I worry about the mother I now am--and will be--after all I've been through and continue to walk through everyday. Will I find the patience, stamina or anything it takes to not just raise them but to do an outstanding job? They all deserve nothing less.
It kills me to know these little girls will never know just how incredible their big sister really was. It's impossible to show a picture or tell a story and rightfully portray her magnificence.
She's our past, our memory, but these girls and their brothers are our only present and future (at least this side of Heaven).
So, the mysteries of life continue and the goal remains: live the best life we can live while wading through and overcoming our personal difficulties. We all have them. We are all human.
Be kind and encourage one another. LOVE 💜
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