Most of my family has made it in for Christmas. They travel from out-of-state every year about this time. It's always pretty wonderful.
My sister's boys are very close in age to my oldest three kids. Our first two are 7 months apart. Our second two are 7 weeks apart and our third two are less than 3 months apart.
Those weeks/months between their ages and the many miles between their homes were always the only thing that kept them "apart". It would be months between times they saw each other but when they were reunited, it was like no time had passed at all. Now, they have grown many inches; voices have deepened and there's facial hair involved but that bond always stays the same.
But one very big thing has changed.
Aubrey isn't here.
My youngest nephew and Aub were inseparable. I would love to sit back and watch those two play for hours, in their own little world. It was mesmerizing the way they got along.
And then she left him.
Today, that SUV pulls in and grown boys pile out, talking nonstop and hugs are passed around. Then, the four oldest boys take off. But the youngest stays behind. It's just him with the adults. His buddy isn't here to play with. She never will be again. No matter how much fun he finds for himself, or how much two little babies may entertain him, he's left alone. I watch him and sometimes have to hold my breath so I don't cry. Inside, my heart breaks for him. It's such a reflection of the way I feel for myself without my girl.
To know that this will go on every year is indescribable. To know that every year he gets out of that vehicle is one more my girl won't be waiting for him.
To see what __-years-old looks like on him and to have to know she is forever 5-years-old (at Christmas) is just too much. She will never again be in the "cousins Christmas picture". She won't have her own special wrapping paper under the tree. Her stocking will hang, empty and alone on the mantle, while all the others are filled and beside its kid.
I sigh a huge sigh.
I wipe these eyes and put on my happy, brave face.
I face the music.
While it's a beautiful, joyful song, there is one less sweet voice singing it with us.
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