I've said so many times that I'd give anything to have my sweet Aubrey Laine back here with me.
What a selfish thought.
Of course I want my girl. I'm her Mama. My biggest, most undeserved gifts in life have been my children. The joy and laughter and LOVE they have brought me is unmeasurable.
As mothers, we want the very best for our children. We also want to protect them from all harm. We never want them to feel pain. We never want them to be sad. We don't want them to endure heartache. We want to spare them from all things unpleasant.
Despite all our valiant efforts, we know this just isn't possible.
Saturday night, March 24, 2012, I put my barely six-year-old daughter to sleep. That next morning, as I opened the door to her bedroom, the world as I knew it stopped spinning. My greatest fear was playing out right before my eyes.
I was helpless.
I couldn't save her.
I cannot bring her back here.
Now, I no longer really want to.
This world is ugly and it gets worse every day. The things children--and people in general--have to endure is unfathomable. There is so much sickness and pain and pure evil. This cannot be the life God made for us.
It's taken me a very long time to truly realize that what was the worst moment of my life, and all the hardest moments since, was actually the best for my daughter. I know that Jesus was with her every one of her last moments here. I know without a doubt that when she said goodbye to her Mama and this life, she entered her eternal life in Heaven.
My greatest wishes for Aubrey have come true. She will always be protected. She will never again feel pain. She will never again be sad. Her heart will never again ache. Nothing in her eternal life in Heaven will be the least bit unpleasant.
One day, when my time on earth is complete, I will get to join her and all those that went before me. Every single ounce of pain I carried for so long will no longer exist. In that moment, it will all have been worth it. What a perfect day that will be.
Soon and very soon...
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