March

March is here. Sigh. 

My entire life I have looked forward to this month's arrival. It meant Spring was almost here. It's the month of my birthday. As a child (and a parent), I've always looked forward to enjoying Spring Break and then celebrating Easter (my absolute favorite holiday). March was, by far, my favorite month. 

Then, on March 25, 2012, the darkest week of our lives happened and changed everything. As if losing Aubrey wasn't bad enough, it happened on my birthday. A day normally reserved for my own personal celebration would be no more. That day...the entire month...will forever hold memories of the unimaginable. Celebrating my life seems impossible when it correlates with the death of my daughter. 

As a mother, we are supposed to want the very best for our children. Nothing could be better than Heaven, I know. Aubrey is safe and happy and healthy. She is in the arms of our Heavenly Father. 

But I am here and she is there. I am a Mama without her baby. It is a small death I have to die every single day. Losing Aub was my greatest disappointment. Trying to live a completely happy life...a fully purposeful life...without Aubrey here with me is something I will never achieve. Nothing can ever fill the void that losing my only daughter left inside of me. Her piece of my heart and soul is and will always be hers alone. 

Please keep in mind as you go though your hectic lives that your children are a miracle and a blessing. Parenthood is the hardest job you will ever have. It is also the most rewarding one and a gift that not everyone is lucky enough to have. I pray that none of you ever has to know the pain of losing a child and that your children will live long, healthy lives. Just for me, though, do this one life-altering thing: 

LOVE them as if each moment is your very last. Regardless of the amount of time you have with them, your lives will forever be richer.