As I sit and watch a nearly cloudless sunset, tears stream down my face. I have to remind myself to breathe. I don't have the option of letting go or disappearing. Life won't let me. No, LOVE won't let me.
It's crazy how fast things change. That sun was here, shining down and warming the earth all day and now it's gone. I watched it slip behind the tree line so quickly. Now it's getting very dark. The world is growing quiet. No more birds singing or children laughing. The busy buzz of life in the air has stopped. Just a chilly darkness and silence.
It seems life can go this way. One day, you're basking in the glow of perfection that only your child can bring. The next, it's all fading away and you're left with cold, dark emptiness.
Nothing eases the pain of losing your child. There is nothing natural about burying your baby (of any age). There isn't even a word for a bereaved parent. A spouse becomes a widow or widower. A child becomes an orphan. What does a parent become? Lost...broken...empty.
The daily life of a bereaved parent is nothing short of war. It is a complete battle. Grief is something we will never fully overcome. Sure, there will be good times. We will praise God and love others and laugh and enjoy life. However in all things there is a pause, a sigh. There is a chill to every warmth and a bad to every good. I would not wish this void on anyone. No one deserves this kind of pain.
I try to remind myself that each day that passes is one closer to Heaven. I say "soon and very soon". The truth is, Heaven is so very far away and I know I have a long life to live...a life without my Aubrey Laine.
Please pray for me and for all the parents who have lost their child.
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