Dying Little Deaths

I realized haven't written in a little while. That’s because I've been dying. Now, don't be too concerned. What I mean is, I've been dying the small death of disappointment.
We spend our entire lives doing this. We make plans and dream up things and sometimes they just don't happen. Life does not always go the way we want.
There are big disappointments, like learning that you can't have children, losing your home or job, being diagnosed with a terminal illness, losing a loved one.
Smaller issues are those like failing a test, experiencing a break up, not being promoted, etc.
No matter the magnitude of a disappointment, they can have major effects on us. What I've learned is that it's how we react that matters most.
Believe me, I have died some fairly big deaths in my time (failed marriages, the loss of a child, personal illness). I have screamed out at God more times than I care to admit. You see, I like to be in control. I like to make decisions and try to run things. I have always had plans for my life…good plans. I planned a simple, happy life with solid marriages and perfect, healthy children and a long life watching them grow up and have grandchildren. For whatever reason, (probably because I put MY hands all over it and tried to do things MY way) that dream did not turn out as I had planned. Life is different now. I am learning to cope and move on and understand that sometimes the disappointments in life set us up for bigger things. They allow us to change and grow and be closer to God and the life we were meant to live.
God knows our hopes and dreams. He knows the plans we make and why we feel what we feel. I believe it's healthy to mourn whatever your loss may be: BIG or small. It's natural to be upset when things just don't go our way. But we have to take some time to be sad and then MOVE ON. Know that there's a reason for everything. The bible tells is that "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps." (Proverbs 16:9) and "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans." (16:3)
From the time God created us, our lives were already mapped out. Certainly, we as sinners (and over-thinkers and “fixers”) mess His plans up. We halt the journey and take detours. We somehow decide that we know what’s best and veer away from His clear path. We all have to learn (and I'm preaching to myself here) to take our hands off the wheel and let Him have control. Just as two people can't drive one car at the same time, our lives cannot have two leaders. We must trust God to take care of us and steer us through the life He planned for us.
I know I will struggle with this every day of my life. Maybe it’s my personality or maybe it’s just human nature. Somehow, I think that adds to the beauty of our relationship with God. He knows what a struggle it is to let Him guide us. So, dance the dance of life but—in all things—let God take the lead.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.