Preface

I was born on March 28, 1980…the third daughter (and arguably expected to be a boy). My parents are amazing people and raised me in a Christian home filled with great love and laughter. I grew up on a farm with my two sisters and seven cousins. Life, as a child, was some kind of wonderful.

I always knew, when I had children, I wanted boys…two, to be exact. I was never a girly-girl and just couldn’t imagine myself trying to raise a daughter. My life’s ambition was to be a wife and a Mama. So, I got married right out of high school and had my first child at 19, in 1999. Tyler was basically a perfect baby. I did everything straight from the book. Naps, feedings, play time…all on a schedule. He woke up every day at exactly 7 AM. He was the best thing I ever did.

As life progressed, my marriage quickly deteriorated. I knew I had married the wrong man pretty early on but I am a fighter, so I fought. I had my second child, Caton, in 2002.

Another beautiful creation and example of how much bigger God is than us. He was a different child, right from the start. As much as I tried to put him on a schedule and be just like his older brother, he quickly let me know that this was his show.

Two years later, my rocky marriage was finally ending and while (because of years of abuse and neglect) I was relieved, I was also scared to be alone and to officially raise my boys as a single parent.

I prayed for a man to come in and be a real husband and father. I felt that I needed protection (as I did) and security. Shortly after, I met back up with my high school sweetheart and we began dating. That next Spring, we married and began our lives. I need to say that, while I prayed for this man to come, I did not live out our relationship prayerfully or in a manner that was pleasing to God. While I believed I should marry this man, things were not as they should be. Married life was not always terrible but it was also not picture-perfect and we both were to blame.

I got pregnant (against all medical odds) 6 weeks to the day of our wedding. I immediately knew it was a girl and I was petrified. How in this world would the “girl-hater” I had always been raise a daughter? I learned to pray again. God showed me that this was HIS plan and not mine. I fell in love with my baby girl and the idea that I would soon be a mother of two perfect, wild boys and a girl that I would surely not allow to be a sissy. While it was a very hard pregnancy, and harder marriage through it, the day finally came (3 weeks early) to give birth.

On Monday, January 16, 2006 Aubrey Laine entered our lives. She immediately had everyone’s heart and attention. I was completely wrapped. Seeing my Daddy, the then-Papa-of-four boys hold a little girl again seemed to bring everything full circle. My Mama’s joy that we gave Aubrey part of her name was immeasurable. The way my boys held her and their obvious pride was priceless. Life was good.

Unfortunately, the next few years were rocky in my marriage. I prayed and pleaded with God when things were low but forgot to praise Him when they were at a high. I slowly fell far away from Him and my husband and I drifted far apart. We went through an ugly, two-year divorce. During that time, I hit some all-time lows and became someone I didn’t even recognize. I lost most of my friendships and nearly my parents. I later tried too hard to redeem myself, marrying a man because I fell in love with his daughters who I believed needed me. We had a family but not a marriage. Through it all, my children were always the sunshine and heartbeat that kept me going. I have always been so proud to be their Mama, even when I wasn’t proud to just be me.

Thank you, God for giving me these children. I believe you knew they would each play such a powerful role in my life and serve as a reminder of your great love for me.

All of my children have different parts of my heart. They are so unique and individually different. Their birth orders are apparent in all that they do. Tyler, the first-born leader and protector of all. He is good at almost anything he tries. Caton, the second-born, so funny and creative. Suddenly his personality made more sense because he was the middle-child. Aubrey, the baby (and only) girl. The world was her’s and we were all at her feet, so to speak.

Aubrey laughed and talked early and never really stopped. She was so funny and smart. The best personality I have ever seen in a child was Aubrey’s. She was such an entertainer. She had a little piece of all of us in her and was the greatest blessing. Her brothers adored her and usually fought over who was “her favorite” each day. She played right into it. When she started school, everyone wanted to be her friend and all the boys were “her boyfriend”.

She was her teacher’s pet too. The girl really knew how to work it!

Early on, I knew my daughter had something unique. I felt that her life—her future-- was going to be extraordinary. I knew something big was going to happen, I just never knew what it was. She had some health issues that were odd, to say the least. It seemed that the “one in a thousand or million” was Aubrey. It knew that ‘standing out’ would never be something she didn’t do.

If only I had known…