It’s not fair

 It’s not fair

 

For days, I’ve had words swimming in my head. I wanted to write a blog post today. A post to Aubrey on what would’ve been her 17th birthday. 

It would’ve told her everything that is happening in our lives. Everything   we are experiencing here, without her. Everything I see happening with the kids her age she never got to fully grow up with. So many things. 

When someone you love dies, you’re left with a whole lot of “what ifs” and “if onlys”.  All the good news is followed by the all too familiar deep sigh. The hole that person filled remains empty. The void is huge and it just doesn’t go away. 

It all seems so unfair. 

That’s what I knew I was going to write about, falling asleep

last night. When I woke up this morning, none of that was still in my head. None of my whiny, sad thoughts woke up with me. The thing that stuck out to me was “it really isn’t fair.”

It’s not fair that God choose me (us) to have Aubrey. 

It’s not fair that I got to love her so very much in her life and will forever more. 

It’s not fair that while so many struggle to have one child, I got not only her but her four siblings. 

I never deserved her. Not for a minute. 

I never deserved Jesus, God’s forgiveness, salvation or an eternity in Heaven. 

And yet, God blessed me—and all of us—with that promise. 

All we have to do is accept Him and eternal life is ours. 

It wasn’t fair for Jesus, God’s only son, to hang on that cross because WE were sinners. But He did. And they’re waiting for us to live forever with them. 

It’s okay to be sad and feel all

the big feelings. We are only human. 

I will always miss my girl. I haven’t had one single day in 11 years I haven’t deeply missed her and had multiple hard moments. But that’s because I love her so much. The happiness from having Aubrey here will always outweigh the sadness of losing her. 

Our separation is not forever. Heaven is waiting on this Mama to be with her baby. 

At the end of the day, let’s all remember why we are here. 

LOVE BIG!! Share Jesus with others. Be a light. Live life as an example that helps make Heaven crowded. Live like Aubrey Laine lived. 

I want to see you all there. 

Happy Birthday, Buggy. Soon and very soon. 💜