She’s not here.

​Living somewhere Aubrey has never lived is always so hard on my heart. 

Is she here at all? No. 

I know where she is and who she is with and that gives me peace. 

But, somehow—whether it’s sound thinking or not—knowing her little feet walked through, her sweet head laid down and her perfect laughter filled a space changes it. The memory of her is etched into that place forever. 

When our house burned down, it immediately hit me that I would never again live where she lived. 

All those places are gone from me. 

While new homes are fresh and beautiful and we are grateful for them, they do not hold our past lives that filled the walls. 

Can we make new memories in new spaces? Yes, of course. They’ll be magical, just like the living souls we are blessed to still have all around us. 

But she—my beloved first-born daughter—will never be here. 

So, I mourn that loss. I accept that truth. I breathe in the present and the new life (and place) God has provided us.  I wait for my eternity with Him…and her. 

Forever in that place where so much LOVE is waiting. Heaven. HOME.