The last Christmas we had with Aubrey, she was five years old.
That morning, it was just the four of us...Tyler, Caton, Aubrey and me. I remember struggling to try to get the right gifts. To make what little money I had go as far as it could so they could have a decent Christmas.
I made sure to pay attention to each one of their reactions opening their gifts. Their happiness and appreciation for what they got always amazed me. Never any complaints or taking things for granted.
As much as I purposely soaked it all up, I wish I had done even more to somehow protect the memory.
Who could have imagined it would be our last Christmas together?
While I treasure every Christmas—every moment—I’ve been blessed with my living children since that one, it’s not always easy. I’m human. I have stress and frustrations like anyone else. Time moves so quickly and it becomes harder to “hold on” to everyone as they grow older.
This year is the last Christmas morning I’ll ever have with just these four children of mine. My boys will both be married next year. While I am so happy for them both, it’s bitter sweet. They’ll soon start their own family traditions and my house will be just another stop on the family Christmas train, so to speak.
Then there are Carson and Julia. My last babies. They’re five this Christmas and that takes my breath away. Knowing Aubrey was this age when we celebrated our last holiday puts things in a whole new perspective. It helps me enjoy them and all the little things even more. It also fuels the always underlying fear inside of me.
I beg and plead with God daily to let me have these four children for the rest of my life. I selfishly want to be here and see every milestone, all the birthdays and holidays they have. Isn’t that what all parents want most of all?
Here’s the bottom line. I know you already know this but let me remind you (and me) again.
Today is a gift. Tomorrow isn’t promised.
LOVE the ones God blessed you with as big you can for as long as you can.
Have fun. Dance the dance. Sing the song. Eat the cake. Buy the shoes. Always apologize quickly and forgive even faster. Don’t hold grudges. Be a blessing. Lead people to God. Be a better you.
One day, it will all be just a memory. Make it the best one you can.
Merry Christmas. Happy New Year.
LOVE💜
2 comments:
Laura. I just want to say hello and thank you. You and I actually grew up together all through grade school. I want you to know I truly envy you, for having the courage, love and strength to go on. I am so sorry I didn't know of your loss and I can't imagine the pain. I myself had a very close encounter with my last child Due to a late age pregnancy and she was born at 26wks.Thankfully She is now just over a year and doing Well. But I truly remember the countless hours and the empty bottomless fear of loosing my little one. But I wanted you to know what a wonderful beautiful and strong person, mother, and just what a pure beautiful soul you are. Krissy Teeter
Krissy! I’m sorry I am Just seeing this. What fun memories I have of you when we were children. I am so glad your daughter is doing well. It’s so hard going through these things but I do appreciate the way it makes me draw closer to God and enjoy my children even more.
Stay in touch!
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